The Moth Presents: A Point of Beauty (Including Grace's Story!)

I am beyond proud to announce that the Moth’s latest anthology is released today (March 19, 2024) and my story is included!

A Point of Beauty: True Stories of Holding On and Letting Go is the Moth’s latest anthology of true stories, adapted for the written page, about finding real beauty in the moments when our lives changed forever—for better or worse. I am so thrilled to be featured alongside these incredible storytellers!

This really is a dream come true for me; I hope you’ll pick up your copy wherever books are sold!

New Op-Ed: Any abortion initiative on Missouri ballot must end political interference in medical care

It’s likely that you’ve seen a lot of news around abortion ballot initiatives that have been put in front of voters, allowing them to vote on abortion access protections. Abortion rights have been supported resoundingly in states like Michigan, Kansas and most recently Ohio. They are being pursued in other state like Missouri, Arizona and my home state: Missouri. These aren’t all straightforward however, and I've wrestled with what to say and to what extent.

At the end of the day, I would want to show Grace Pearl I fought for her as hard as I could. I want to be able to show my living daughter the same.

I realized that I wasn’t going to go wrong standing up for myself and the many other later abortion seekers who are being left out of all but one versions of these initiatives in favor of a potential “compromise” in the form of a viability ban with politicians who have shown us again and again that they will abuse their power any chance they get to control pregnant people.

And Katie Cox out of Texas offers a heartbreaking look into how abortion ban exceptions don’t work, and how cruel and devastating the outcomes are.

Any abortion initiative must fully and completely remove politicians and their appointees from Missourians’ healthcare.

I encourage anyone volunteering to gather signatures for these efforts to ensure they understand which version they are working for. They are not all created equally.

You can read more at this link in the Missouri Independent, or below.


Any abortion initiative on Missouri ballot must end political interference in medical care

The overturning of Roe vs Wade last year has created massive fallout, with abortion-rights advocates scrambling to react.

Voters in states like Kansas, Michigan and most recently Ohio have resoundingly supported ballot initiatives to protect abortion rights in their constitutions. Similar initiatives are being pursued in Florida, Arizona and my home state of Missouri. However they all have a troubling commonality: The attempt to reinstate Roe, a framework deemed insufficient by the very reproductive justice leaders now pushing these ballot initiatives.

I understand the results of political “compromise” on abortion all too well.

In 2016, I was in the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy I had deeply hoped for after expensive, physically demanding fertility treatments. But then we learned the new, devastating information that our baby had a fatal fetal condition. Given all of the information we had, and with counsel from an excellent medical team, we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy.

But then we learned we were fast approaching Missouri’s abortion ban, which at the time was 22 weeks. I also had to sign judgmental and biased non-medical consents and wait 72 hours to receive necessary medical care.

The weight of Missouri’s callous disregard for the complications of pregnancy, or my health and safety, felt heavy. I felt judged, stigmatized and disregarded. And this was all under the “protections” of Roe.

After my experience, I felt called to step into abortion-rights advocacy. I have shared my story at all levels of government and I joined local advocacy efforts in an effort to reduce stigma and create better policy.

Recently The Moth reshared a storytelling event where I told my whole story. To date, it has been viewed 1.5 million times. So I am confident my story has changed the hearts and minds of a lot of people and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to find some light from what was the darkest experience of my life.

However, my disappointment lies in how progressive advocates, Democrats and citizens often exploit stories like mine for fundraising and awareness but dismiss us when it comes to shaping crucial policies — especially with abortion being more popular than ever.

This hypocrisy reveals a disheartening betrayal of trust and a glaring disconnect between advocacy and genuine empowerment.

Missouri’s reproductive-rights advocates are currently championing ballot language that permits state interference post-arbitrary “viability” limits, which are medically inaccurate, dismiss individual circumstances like my own, and let politicians continue to tamper with our healthcare decisions.

Amid these initiatives, only one version stands as a “clean” solution, genuinely removing state entities from our reproductive rights. Advocates must focus on advancing this version exclusively, or, alternatively, clearly articulate a realistic plan to address the shortcomings of other versions, whether it be TRAP laws that would remain intact or people like me that would be left behind entirely.

Likewise, it’s crucial for those volunteering to collect signatures in support of a pro-abortion ballot initiative to be mindful of the diverse ballot language options — they are not all created equally. They should ensure they understand whether the final wording includes significant elements, such as abortion bans based on viability limits. These viability limits can and will be exploited by anti-abortion politicians.

In Ohio, GOP officials are already floating the unsubstantiated idea that viability starts at 15 weeks immediately after the resounding win for abortion rights.

The political landscape in Missouri, driven by the anti-abortion movement and powerful figures like Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft, gives us every reason to expect subversion of democracy and legal standards. Even when Roe was intact, abortion was practically inaccessible in Missouri. If a constitutional ballot is to be pursued, it must robustly protect the reproductive healthcare choices of Missourians from unreliable and undemocratic politicians.

We all know that when the pro-abortion majority gives a little, the anti-abortion minority takes all.

If Missouri’s stark reality isn’t compelling enough, cast a wider lens to witness the harrowing repercussions of politicians meddling in abortion access across multiple states.

Look to Texas: Kate Cox’s wrenching ordeal forced her to flee her own state, denied the right to terminate her wanted pregnancy after a fatal fetal diagnosis very similar to my own experience. Meanwhile, in Ohio, Brittany Watts faces a felony charge of abusing a corpse following a miscarriage at 22 weeks.

These distressing stories underscore the perilous outcomes when politicians dictate reproductive rights, inflicting anguish, injustice and severe harm upon individuals seeking autonomy over their own bodies.

History, and the present moment, demand a singular path forward — one of expansive protections rooted in science as well as the health, safety and dignity of all Missourians. Crucially, this includes abortion protections that entirely exclude elected officials from healthcare decisions, especially those concerning abortion care.

As someone who experienced firsthand the interference of state politicians in medical access and care, I stand far from alone. Urgency, despondency, and outrage have fueled my advocacy, but the solution does not lie in enshrining broken policies that leave behind those disproportionately impacted by abortion bans.

Missouri’s abortion patients and voters deserve better — a future where reproductive justice is not just a concept, but a lived reality.

Seven Years Ago, We Said Goodbye to Grace Pearl

Today marks the 7th anniversary since Jim and I said goodbye to Grace Pearl. I never imagined I'd be the type of person to commemorate such a loss for so long, however, that notion was born from a place untouched by the harsh reality of such a profound loss. The ache in our hearts persists every year, intensified by the anniversaries surrounding Thanksgiving, spanning from the devastating diagnosis to the procedure. These days are inextricably linked, weaving a tapestry of remembrance, sadness, and reflection.

In the aftermath of our goodbye, life has continued its forward march, adorned with the joy and challenges that come with raising our sunbeam, Hannah. Yet, the significance of this day doesn't diminish. It's a somber reminder of the intricacies embedded in the journey of loss and resilience. As we glance back over the years, we find ourselves amazed at the strength that allowed us to navigate the darkest corners of our emotions and the love that still radiates for the daughter who touched our lives so briefly. Grace's absence is palpable, but her memory is a testament to the enduring impact of her life, no matter how fleeting.

As we navigate the intricate terrain of the seventh anniversary of our goodbye, the enduring love for our daughter remains steadfast. Grace's memory, though brief, continues to shape our lives profoundly. Thank you to everyone who honors her with us, year after year, and has made room for her (and us) in your heart. It is one of the things that I am most thankful for.

Honoring Grace Pearl: A Dance Party Tradition, Seven Years On

Seven years ago tonight, my husband Jim and I held a dance party, not to celebrate, but to say our goodbyes to Grace Pearl.

The idea for our dance party came from a simple question I asked Jim the night before we were scheduled to say goodbye to Grace: How would he like to say goodbye to her? His answer was to create a playlist of songs he had always wanted to share with her before a fatal fetal diagnosis prompted us to decide to terminate our desperately wanted pregnancy. In our pajamas, surrounded by the soft glow of candles, we embraced the darkness and danced to the rhythm of the songs that became a soundtrack to our memories.

I shared this experience on The Moth at the 14:10 minute point.

Tonight marks the seventh anniversary of Grace's dance party, a night that has become a cherished tradition for us. Each year, we listen to the playlist and receive messages from friends across the globe, joining us in this intimate memory and celebration. Their virtual presence helps us feel connected, less alone, and reassures us that Grace is not forgotten. It means the world to us.

If you'd like to join us in honoring Grace tonight, consider listening with us and lighting a candle in her memory. As we enter the seventh year of our dance party tradition, your participation, even from afar, contributes to the warmth and love these songs bring to our hearts, celebrating the beautiful, albeit brief, existence of Grace Pearl.

Grace's Dance Party Playlist

The Beach Boys - God Only Knows

The Beatles - Twist And Shout

The Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive

Blondie - Atomic

Chuck Berry - You Never Can Tell

Sam Cooke - Nothing Can Change This Love

The Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes

Earth, Wind & Fire – September

Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

The Four Tops - I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)

Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up, Part 1(Single Version)

Al Green - I'm Still In Love With You

Al Green - Let's Stay Together 

The Hollies - Bus Stop

Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (Single Version)

The Jackson 5 - ABC

KC & The Sunshine Band - Get Down Tonight (Single Version)

Kenny Loggins - Footloose

Little River Band - Lady

MFSB - T.S.O.P. (The Sound Of Philadelphia)

Olivia Newton-John/John Travolta - You're The One That I Want

The O'Jays - Love Train

Otis Redding - (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay

The Rolling Stones - Let's Spend The Night Together

The Rolling Stones - Brown Sugar

Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run 

Warpaint - New Song

Stevie Wonder - I Was Made To Love Her

Stevie Wonder – Superstition

Neil Young – Harvest Moon

The Time Senator Dianne Feinstein Told Our Story, and What She Meant to Us

I woke up today to the sad news that Senator Dianne Feinstein had passed, and got several texts from thoughtful friends who remembered that she meant a lot to me specifically: Senator Feinstein did more than any other politician to bring Grace’s story and my circumstances to light, and she’ll be an important person to me for the rest of my life.

One of my very earliest published pieces in my advocacy was an Opinion piece published in the Washington Post in March of 2017. It felt like an enormous honor and also terrifying; it was by far the largest publication I’d ever been a part of.

2 weeks later, Senator Feinstein mentioned my Op-Ed in the Washington Post as part of her opening remarks of Justice Neil Gorsuch’s Senator confirmation hearing for the Supreme Court of the US.

Her remarks are transcribed here:

Two weeks ago, the Washington Post ran an Op-ed written by a woman who desperately wanted to have a baby. She described how she and her husband went to great lengths for four years trying to get pregnant and were thrilled when they finally succeeded. Tragically, after her 21-week check-up, they discovered her daughter had multi-cystic dysplastic kidney disease. They were told by three separate doctors that her condition was 100% fatal. And that the risk to the mother was seven-fold if she carried her pregnancy to term. The mother described their excruciating decision and the unforgiving process the couple endured to get the medical care they needed. The debate over Roe v. Wade and the right to privacy, ladies and gentlemen, is not theoretical. In 1973, the court recognized a woman's fundamental and constitutional right to privacy. That right guarantees her access to reproductive health care. In fact, the Supreme Court has repeatedly upheld Roe's core finding, making it settled law for the last 44 years. I ask unanimous consent, Mr. Chairman, to enter into the record the 14 key cases where the Supreme Court upheld Roe’s core holding and the total 39 decisions where it has been reaffirmed by the Court. If these judgements when combined do not constitute super precedent, I don’t know what does…Roe ensured that women and their doctors will decide what is best for their care not politicians.

I was in a work meeting when it happened; my phone started blowing up with texts from people who were watching the hearing and recognized my story. It was surreal, anxiety-inducing, and most of all, it instilled me with hope: she used Grace’s and my story to shine a light on how important abortion access was, and how much was at stake with anti-abortionist Gorsuch being debated for SCOTUS confirmation: he could have the vote that undid the abortion access protections instilled by Roe v Wade.

Of course, we all know how that went: Gorsuch was confirmed after saying he respected Roe as precedent, and then voted against it in the end, as we all feared and said he would.

But Senator Feinstein gave me an enormous gift that hasn’t diminished in its value even with that outcome. She gave me hope that ordinary citizens can have a vast reach and impact. My goals in storytelling and advocacy have always been to reduce abortion stigma and to improve policy, and her sharing my story at that time gave it an enormous public stage - indeed, making it part of congressional record, and thus it’ll outlive my lifetime - and gave a voice to all of the other families that encounter our circumstances.

I got to go to day 4 of the hearings and meet Senator Feinstein later that week, and it will always remain one of the most important days of my life. I got to meet her and thank her for sharing my story (as well as Senator Chuck Grassley, who was very kind as well). I got to watch the hearing and observe American democratic traditions.

Senator Feinstein allowed my experience - that of a normal, middle class, working American mom who received the worst possible news about my wanted pregnancy - to be shared on a national stage, and in place where it arguably had the greatest chance to be included in policy outcomes. In a world where it’s hard to feel like my work and efforts matter, for a moment, I felt like they did. I’ll never forget that. Senator Feinstein gave me an immeasurable gift, and I grieve her passing.

"Loving Grace" on The Moth Radio Hour This Week

Hi friends (and a few family members!)

My story “Loving Grace” will be featured on The Moth Radio Hour this coming week, as part of their episode: “A Brave Front”. You can find local air times here: 

https://themoth.org/radio-hour#listenOnAir

The episode will air from 5/30 - 6/5.

You can also access the full episode/my story a little later this week here: https://exchange.prx.org/pieces/281318-1911-a-brave-front-5-30-2023.


Don’t Fall For Viability/Gestational Abortion Bans

My story is joined by circumstances with that of baby Milo Dorbert who was diagnosed with Potter Syndrome (essentially what Grace was diagnosed with as well), and lived 99 minutes after his mother was denied access to abortion care and was forced to carry him only to watch him die upon birth.

Grace would have had to experience the same fate had I not been able to get an abortion, and it is important to note that I no longer would be able to get an abortion in Missouri today.

I started sharing my story 6+ years ago in the hopes that I could help improve policy and reduce stigma, but unfortunately, nearly a year ago the Supreme Court overruled Roe and eliminated the federal constitutional right to abortion. And as you can see in Milo’s story, there are very real consequences to abortion bans. Florida’s 15-week ban kept Deborah Dorbert from accessing compassionate care for herself and her son.

Viability/gestational abortion bans harm people like me and babies like Grace. Exceptions to these bans rarely to never result in care for the people they espouse to cover. If you’d like to learn more about the circumstances that prompt people to seek out and obtain later abortions, please visit Who Not When, a people-centered resource for understanding abortions later in pregnancy.

OB-GYNs Don’t Want To Practice in Red States

These are dark and difficult times and have insidious long-term consequences. For instance, please check out these stories:

“New doctors applying to medical residency programs were likelier to avoid practicing in states with the most stringent abortion restrictions, an analysis from the Association of American Medical Colleges found.

Why it matters: The drop in applications, particularly for OB-GYN residencies, could exacerbate the lack of maternal health care in those states, which already have the highest maternal mortality rates in the U.S.

This is really scary stuff, and not hypothetical.

Additional Resources

Eager for some quick ways to learn more and/or help?

  • Who Not When A people-centered resource for understanding abortions later in pregnancy.

  • I Need An A The most updated, personalized, and comprehensive online resource for abortion seekers looking for abortion options and support.

  • Reporting on Abortion Later in Pregnancy A resource for journalists from Who Not When.

  • Donate to your local abortion fund. You can find a listing here.